Why Your F*cked Up Life is Your Biggest Asset

Confession: I suck at a lot of things.

Despite my decade-long career as a professional marketer, I can’t design a powerpoint presentation for sh*t. (I hire people to help me with that.)

As much as I love my husband, I loathe laundry, cleaning and cooking and thus make a pretty despicable case for a house wife. (He still loves me though…I think.)

Regardless of how intentionally I manage my clients, I drop balls sometimes and get emails from them managing me. (They still love me, too though...I hope.)

For being “super conscious” and “totally spiritual,” I find myself snapping at slow cab drivers and venting at customer service reps on days when I’m stressed out and over tired. (And those days happen more often than I’d care to admit.)

As someone who considers herself to be healthy and wise in the world of food, I have days when I binge on fries, drink too much wine and continually and quietly berate myself for those last 10 pounds that have NEVER gone away. (Yah, me and every other Millennial woman on the planet, ammIright?)

I would love to write a book one day, but I don’t think I have the talent for it.

I would love to be a mom one day, but I don’t know if I can be that selfless.

I would love to donate more money to more causes, but I don’t know how to while covering my expenses and saving money for retirement.

I would love to pick up photography or painting, but I have never been good at that kind of thing, so why would I even try?

I’ve built a career as a successful entrepreneur, impacted dozens and dozens of clients, hundreds of brands, built six-figure audiences, six-figure companies, have been labeled “an IT girl” by local magazines, a top digital marketer to watch by INC and have built a loving life filled with phenomenal people, incredible experiences and abundance, and yet sometimes….

I still feel like I’m not “there.”

So, where is there? And how do you know when you’ve finally made it?

Here’s the thing: We all feel this way. We all feel like we haven’t reached the pinnacle of success, that we don’t have enough money, that our relationships could be better, that someone else’s life is more glamorous or exciting, that you’re not skinny enough, that so-and-so’s business is more profitable, that your friend Sue has better flexibility, that you’re never going to be completely happy because there’s just too much shit in the way.

But, the key to all of this is the shit in the way. That’s where the good stuff comes from. That’s where success builds from. The flaws and mistakes are what guide you—not the successes.

The fear of “fucking up” is normal, and we need to call more attention to these setbacks to get closer in touch with who you really are and what you really want.

If you do anything, do this. Stop beating yourself up. Who the eff cares if you’re not five pounds thinner, if you don’t have an extra zero in your bank account, if you aren’t domestic, if you never want kids? Though it may feel like there are a million eyes on you, you are the only one living your life.

Not your audience.

Not your employer or employees.

Not your partner.

Not your friends.

Just you.

So, try this.

Just for one day, laugh at yourself. Be kinder to yourself every time you get the urge to start that bullshit negative self-talk that doesn’t get you anywhere.

Stop meeting every thought with resistance. Open yourself up to making mistakes and then embrace those mistakes to live a more forgiving, happier, prosperous life that goes with the flow.

Not against it.

Own who you are, just as you are. Because working, living and loving from an authentic place is always better than the pretty filter we slap onto the digital version.

Lean into the mess. Examine it. Realize that perfection is boring, that reaching “there” keeps you unhappy. Accept where you are. Let that be enough.

And of course we all want to keep striving. We all want to reach goals and have something to work for. Keep making plans to go further, but when you get there, when you feel like you’ve had enough, remember that you can simply enjoy the view without scrambling to reach the next one.

You’re a person, not a robot.

Embrace every layer so that your life—this beautiful, ugly, magical complex existence—becomes an adventure you ride, not a routine you struggle through.

“I stopped waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel and lit that bitch up myself.” Anonymous